Well, not pregnant. Not surprised, either, really.
So I have officially begun my first cycle of injectables. I have to say, it is much more difficult psychologically than physically. Once I get over the fact that I am about to voluntarily pierce my skin, the actual shot is no big deal.
The nurse who scanned me on day 3 was gentle and kind, and most importantly, informative. I had 15 tiny follicles, which she declared "a good start". I go back on Thursday to see what these needles will have wrought.
I bounce back and forth between knowing this won't work, fearing that it will work too well (multiples), and having the hubris to hope it might result in one, single, perfect, healthy, baby.
Showing posts with label fun with chemistry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun with chemistry. Show all posts
Monday, October 01, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
i'm having a diet coke right now
I didn't wait until Wednesday-negative pee stick today. Plus my bbt is on its way down.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
time for a massive update
[quick update for those not interested in the long saga below: still not pregnant, now on 150 mg clomid, cd 20]
I don't know why I haven't posted in so long, honestly. It certainly is not from lack of things to talk about.
So, when last I wrote it was Feb. 26, cd 14 of my third clomid cycle, and the stakes had been upped to 100 mg days 2-6. I was peeing on opk sticks (although, not at work) and they were all negative.
On Feb. 28 I had a follow-up visit with Dr. RE. For the first time that day I broke down and peed on a stick at work. Negative. He looked at my chart, and suggested that since I just happened to be there mid-cycle we might as well have a look at my ovaries and see what they were up to. "A sonogram" said he, and here I am incredibly grateful to all of you IF bloggers because if it had not been for your detailed accounts I cannot imagine what I would have thought when I saw the probe. As it was, I was under tremendous stress about the fact that I would have to put my feet in the stirrups, and as this was an (unexpected) afternoon wanding, my feet had spent the entire day in my sexy, synthetic knee-high boots and I knew they would be smelly. I even contemplated leaving the boots on, but that seemed a bit provocative. At least I shaved my legs the night before. So there I lay, nak-d from the waist down, under a thin paper sheet, with smelly feet in the air, when I finally was inducted for all time into the hard core infertility club by the d1ldo-cam. "There's your uterus," said the sonographer, I can't remember her name, and then "let's take a look at your ovaries" followed by a long ominous silence and lots of very uncomfortable (almost painful, but not quite) internal poking and prodding. I was beginning to panic, on the edge of tears as she searched and searched. It seemed to take forever. All I could think was "I don't have any ovaries!!! No wonder I don't ovulate! Now it is all over, I will never get pregnant!" It probably seems like I was overreacting, but really it took forever. And I had already developed a theory that I might not have a right ovary since whenever I feel any potentially-ovarian twinges, they are always on the left. So it wasn't a huge jump for me to get from "I might only have one ovary" to "I HAVE NO OVARIES!". Finally she found one "on the midline" and one hiding behind my uterus. By this point Dr. RE had made his way into the room and proclaimed matter-of-factly that my ovaries were "not doing anything" and that this cycle was a bust. He wrote me a prescription for 150 mg of clomid and told me a nurse would come and give me a progesterone shot to bring on my period. "Is there any point in waiting to see if I might have a delayed ovulation this cycle?" I asked meekly, to which he responded "I am tired of waiting. I want you to get pregnant NOW." He actually said this kindly, though it wasn't the sort of response I was looking for, but I was so stunned by my (temporary) lack of ovaries, and so worried about the fact that they were not where they belonged, that I was in no state to belabor the point. The sonographer barely had time to withdraw the probe, when in came the nurse. "Don't bother putting your pants on" she said, "just hop over here and lean against the table." Now I did not even have the cover of the paper sheet. I was nak-d from the waist down, with bare, smelly feet, misplaced ovaries, and as I leaned across the examining table for my pio shot I had the presence of mind to worry about all the cellulite on display. The nurse was very sweet, told me she had a painless method*, and actually the shot did not hurt at all, and only burned a tiny bit when it was done.
The morning after the injection my temp shot up. I was a bit of a wreck, emotionally. Although I tried to be happy that I wouldn't have to wait another 3 weeks to start a new cycle, I felt like I would have ovulated eventually, and not having those days of hope (between ovulation and period) but just going straight to a new cycle was hard. I understood logically that it made sense. We spent most of my appointment (before the sonogram) talking about the fact that while delayed ovulations could end up as successful pregnancies, for some reason they are statistically less likely to. This was why my clomid dose was upped from 50 to 100 in the first place, to try to bring on an earlier ovulation. But knowing that logically did not make me feel any better. Also, I was worried about my runaway ovaries. I did ask the sonographer if it meant anything that they were not where they belonged and she assured me that it did not. Still, I can't believe it was a good thing. Don't, by the way, google anything about ovaries on the mainline or behind the uterus because you get a lot of stuff about ovarian cancer and menopause. Not good for morale.
Six days after the injection I got my period. It was heavy, but not painful (which was a relief because in the past I have been given oral progesterone by my ob/gyn to bring on a period and I had the most horrible cramps so that I had to call and beg for prescription painkillers). So, March 6 was cd 1. Same as before I took clomid days 2-6, but 150 mg this time. I actually gave up my silly refusal to use opks at work and discovered it was not that big of a deal. Not fun, or anything, and the worst part was waiting until it had been 4 hours since I last peed, but it was no problem sneaking off for a five minute bathroom break. I did invest in the digital kind (thanks for the recommendation, Thalia), because with these you get a definitive no (an empty circle) or yes (a smiley face) and there is no temptation to linger in the stall for half an hour holding a stick at different angles to see if the darkness of the result line changes at all. I think that made them easier to use at work. I was beginning to despair of ever getting a positive, though. I really did wonder how long I could wait to ovulate and still not have a late ovulation. Everyday I prayed in the bathroom stall, please, please, let it be today. Finally, on cd 15, it was. I was so ridiculously excited. I was jumping up and down in the tiny little stall, clutching the smiley face and grinning like a maniac. I had only ovulated three times in my life (so far as I know), twice on clomid, and I had never seen a positive opk before (and of course I have never seen a positive hpt). This is the first thing I have ever peed on which gave me the hoped for response. I tried to save it for Al to see, but the smile had gone away before I got home. Anyway, I was so excited that I didn't even mind calling the RE's office immediately to schedule a post coital test.
This is getting ridiculously long. I am going to go ahead and post it and do another for the rest of the story.
* For any of you who may be interested, her technique was as follows:
1. apply alcohol but give it plenty of time to dry so it doesn't sting when the needle pierces the skin
2. she had me lean on the table and my right leg so that I was putting absolutely no weight at all on the left leg where she gave me the injection (upper left ass/hip area)
3. after the injection she put on a band-aid and then massaged the injection site so the pio would disperse
I don't know why I haven't posted in so long, honestly. It certainly is not from lack of things to talk about.
So, when last I wrote it was Feb. 26, cd 14 of my third clomid cycle, and the stakes had been upped to 100 mg days 2-6. I was peeing on opk sticks (although, not at work) and they were all negative.
On Feb. 28 I had a follow-up visit with Dr. RE. For the first time that day I broke down and peed on a stick at work. Negative. He looked at my chart, and suggested that since I just happened to be there mid-cycle we might as well have a look at my ovaries and see what they were up to. "A sonogram" said he, and here I am incredibly grateful to all of you IF bloggers because if it had not been for your detailed accounts I cannot imagine what I would have thought when I saw the probe. As it was, I was under tremendous stress about the fact that I would have to put my feet in the stirrups, and as this was an (unexpected) afternoon wanding, my feet had spent the entire day in my sexy, synthetic knee-high boots and I knew they would be smelly. I even contemplated leaving the boots on, but that seemed a bit provocative. At least I shaved my legs the night before. So there I lay, nak-d from the waist down, under a thin paper sheet, with smelly feet in the air, when I finally was inducted for all time into the hard core infertility club by the d1ldo-cam. "There's your uterus," said the sonographer, I can't remember her name, and then "let's take a look at your ovaries" followed by a long ominous silence and lots of very uncomfortable (almost painful, but not quite) internal poking and prodding. I was beginning to panic, on the edge of tears as she searched and searched. It seemed to take forever. All I could think was "I don't have any ovaries!!! No wonder I don't ovulate! Now it is all over, I will never get pregnant!" It probably seems like I was overreacting, but really it took forever. And I had already developed a theory that I might not have a right ovary since whenever I feel any potentially-ovarian twinges, they are always on the left. So it wasn't a huge jump for me to get from "I might only have one ovary" to "I HAVE NO OVARIES!". Finally she found one "on the midline" and one hiding behind my uterus. By this point Dr. RE had made his way into the room and proclaimed matter-of-factly that my ovaries were "not doing anything" and that this cycle was a bust. He wrote me a prescription for 150 mg of clomid and told me a nurse would come and give me a progesterone shot to bring on my period. "Is there any point in waiting to see if I might have a delayed ovulation this cycle?" I asked meekly, to which he responded "I am tired of waiting. I want you to get pregnant NOW." He actually said this kindly, though it wasn't the sort of response I was looking for, but I was so stunned by my (temporary) lack of ovaries, and so worried about the fact that they were not where they belonged, that I was in no state to belabor the point. The sonographer barely had time to withdraw the probe, when in came the nurse. "Don't bother putting your pants on" she said, "just hop over here and lean against the table." Now I did not even have the cover of the paper sheet. I was nak-d from the waist down, with bare, smelly feet, misplaced ovaries, and as I leaned across the examining table for my pio shot I had the presence of mind to worry about all the cellulite on display. The nurse was very sweet, told me she had a painless method*, and actually the shot did not hurt at all, and only burned a tiny bit when it was done.
The morning after the injection my temp shot up. I was a bit of a wreck, emotionally. Although I tried to be happy that I wouldn't have to wait another 3 weeks to start a new cycle, I felt like I would have ovulated eventually, and not having those days of hope (between ovulation and period) but just going straight to a new cycle was hard. I understood logically that it made sense. We spent most of my appointment (before the sonogram) talking about the fact that while delayed ovulations could end up as successful pregnancies, for some reason they are statistically less likely to. This was why my clomid dose was upped from 50 to 100 in the first place, to try to bring on an earlier ovulation. But knowing that logically did not make me feel any better. Also, I was worried about my runaway ovaries. I did ask the sonographer if it meant anything that they were not where they belonged and she assured me that it did not. Still, I can't believe it was a good thing. Don't, by the way, google anything about ovaries on the mainline or behind the uterus because you get a lot of stuff about ovarian cancer and menopause. Not good for morale.
Six days after the injection I got my period. It was heavy, but not painful (which was a relief because in the past I have been given oral progesterone by my ob/gyn to bring on a period and I had the most horrible cramps so that I had to call and beg for prescription painkillers). So, March 6 was cd 1. Same as before I took clomid days 2-6, but 150 mg this time. I actually gave up my silly refusal to use opks at work and discovered it was not that big of a deal. Not fun, or anything, and the worst part was waiting until it had been 4 hours since I last peed, but it was no problem sneaking off for a five minute bathroom break. I did invest in the digital kind (thanks for the recommendation, Thalia), because with these you get a definitive no (an empty circle) or yes (a smiley face) and there is no temptation to linger in the stall for half an hour holding a stick at different angles to see if the darkness of the result line changes at all. I think that made them easier to use at work. I was beginning to despair of ever getting a positive, though. I really did wonder how long I could wait to ovulate and still not have a late ovulation. Everyday I prayed in the bathroom stall, please, please, let it be today. Finally, on cd 15, it was. I was so ridiculously excited. I was jumping up and down in the tiny little stall, clutching the smiley face and grinning like a maniac. I had only ovulated three times in my life (so far as I know), twice on clomid, and I had never seen a positive opk before (and of course I have never seen a positive hpt). This is the first thing I have ever peed on which gave me the hoped for response. I tried to save it for Al to see, but the smile had gone away before I got home. Anyway, I was so excited that I didn't even mind calling the RE's office immediately to schedule a post coital test.
This is getting ridiculously long. I am going to go ahead and post it and do another for the rest of the story.
* For any of you who may be interested, her technique was as follows:
1. apply alcohol but give it plenty of time to dry so it doesn't sting when the needle pierces the skin
2. she had me lean on the table and my right leg so that I was putting absolutely no weight at all on the left leg where she gave me the injection (upper left ass/hip area)
3. after the injection she put on a band-aid and then massaged the injection site so the pio would disperse
Monday, February 26, 2007
peestick question
We now interrupt this blogging silence with a question . . .
I have been dutifully peeing on ovulation predictor sticks since Thursday. Well, maybe not quite as dutifully as I could be, because I have yet to pee on a stick at work. I had late mornings every day last week, so I just peed at 9:30 right before I left the house.
(An aside: When I was last at the RE's office, and twice since when I have phoned a nurse about other issues, I was told to CALL ON DAY 10 AND THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. It was all very mysterious. Obviously, it was some secret knowledge handed out on a need-to-know basis. NO WAY were they going to give me these intricate directions before day 10. On Thursday morning I made the call, pen and pad of paper in my lap, ready to record the all important day 10 directives. I told the receptionist my name and that I was calling for my day 10 instructions. 'Oh yeah,' says she, 'day 10. Just use an ovulation predictor kit every day between 10:00 and 11:00 and call us when it's positive.' Huge let-down. I received more explicit instructions from the nurse on my last visit, as well as written instructions, after which she said 'Be sure to call on day 10 and they will tell you what to do.' Anyway, I am hoping that the half an hour between 9:30 and 10:00 will not turn out to be hugely important.)
Back to the story . . . On Saturday morning my peestick was defective. I peed on it just like I always do (no variation in technique or timing, I promise) and absolutely nothing happened. White as snow, not even a hint of a reference line. I did not throw it away, of course, I lined it up on the window sill with all the others, in chronological order. Late that afternoon I peed on a second stick: it was not defective, nor was it positive. BUT when I set it on the window sill with its negative sisters (don't ask me why I am preserving them for posterity, and I know you aren't supposed to read them after 10 minutes, but still I find it useful to have them there) lo and behold the formerly defective, white as snow test from the morning is now POSITIVE. Two equally (very) dark lines.
What do you think? I know you shouldn't read them after 10 minutes, and especially not a defective one, but none of the other tests have developed evaporation lines. Not even the one that has been sitting around since Thursday. They have all darkened a little bit with time, but none of them approach the reference line.
Do you think the Saturday morning test could have reflected the tail end of a surge that began late in the morning on Friday (after I tested because I have been testing too early)? I had eggwhite cervical fluid yesterday, and thus far [n=2] I have had a temp spike 2-3 days after the appearance of eggwhite.
It isn't tragic if that should have been the positive opk, we did have sex. But I will have messed up the timing of the post-coital test. Which I wasn't excited about anyway, so maybe no big deal. Still, what is up with that defective peestick? Very annoying! Those things aren't cheap!
I have been dutifully peeing on ovulation predictor sticks since Thursday. Well, maybe not quite as dutifully as I could be, because I have yet to pee on a stick at work. I had late mornings every day last week, so I just peed at 9:30 right before I left the house.
(An aside: When I was last at the RE's office, and twice since when I have phoned a nurse about other issues, I was told to CALL ON DAY 10 AND THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. It was all very mysterious. Obviously, it was some secret knowledge handed out on a need-to-know basis. NO WAY were they going to give me these intricate directions before day 10. On Thursday morning I made the call, pen and pad of paper in my lap, ready to record the all important day 10 directives. I told the receptionist my name and that I was calling for my day 10 instructions. 'Oh yeah,' says she, 'day 10. Just use an ovulation predictor kit every day between 10:00 and 11:00 and call us when it's positive.' Huge let-down. I received more explicit instructions from the nurse on my last visit, as well as written instructions, after which she said 'Be sure to call on day 10 and they will tell you what to do.' Anyway, I am hoping that the half an hour between 9:30 and 10:00 will not turn out to be hugely important.)
Back to the story . . . On Saturday morning my peestick was defective. I peed on it just like I always do (no variation in technique or timing, I promise) and absolutely nothing happened. White as snow, not even a hint of a reference line. I did not throw it away, of course, I lined it up on the window sill with all the others, in chronological order. Late that afternoon I peed on a second stick: it was not defective, nor was it positive. BUT when I set it on the window sill with its negative sisters (don't ask me why I am preserving them for posterity, and I know you aren't supposed to read them after 10 minutes, but still I find it useful to have them there) lo and behold the formerly defective, white as snow test from the morning is now POSITIVE. Two equally (very) dark lines.
What do you think? I know you shouldn't read them after 10 minutes, and especially not a defective one, but none of the other tests have developed evaporation lines. Not even the one that has been sitting around since Thursday. They have all darkened a little bit with time, but none of them approach the reference line.
Do you think the Saturday morning test could have reflected the tail end of a surge that began late in the morning on Friday (after I tested because I have been testing too early)? I had eggwhite cervical fluid yesterday, and thus far [n=2] I have had a temp spike 2-3 days after the appearance of eggwhite.
It isn't tragic if that should have been the positive opk, we did have sex. But I will have messed up the timing of the post-coital test. Which I wasn't excited about anyway, so maybe no big deal. Still, what is up with that defective peestick? Very annoying! Those things aren't cheap!
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