10dpiui

Another negative this morning, and I used the expensive FRER instead of the generic cheapies I've been using.

Still pretty crampy.

Breasts still kinda sore.

No spotting in sight yet.

9dpiui - the beginning of the end?

Thanks for all the rational words of support. Sadly, I just don't have a good feeling about this.

On the side of this is doomed:
Another negative this morning.
Feeling pretty crampy. Not cute little twinges, but real cramps.

On the side of there's still hope:
Still not spotting.
Breast tenderness has had a resurgence.

On the whole, and based on personal prior history, I'm leaning more towards doomed.

8dpiui

Well, the hcg shot has cleared out. I tested today and it was negative, negative, negative.

The hcg shot was 10 days ago, the iui was 8 days ago.

I want to believe that there is still a little hope.

But I don't know.

Breast tenderness is completely gone.

6dpiui

I think I might not have a cold, but maybe pneumonia, or the plague or something. It is an extreme effort to relocate myself from bedroom to sofa. My head is terribly congested. I have a constant low-grade fever, no matter how faithfully I swallow acetaminophen. I haven't taken anything else, because I'm still hoping against hope that I might be pregnant. Plus, most cold remedies don't seem to work for me anyway.

Anyway, boobs still sore, uterine twinges last night, and I'm terrified that my period will start on Tuesday (that would be on schedule with last time around). Only a few short days left to hope.

Okay, I'm dragging myself back to bed now.

4dpiui

This post is unlikely to be of interest to anyone but me...but here goes, anyway.

The four day post iui symptom watch:
1. sore breasts
2. still bloated, but much less tender, abdomen
3. soooo constipated (tmi! sorry!)
4. constant hunger
5. exhaustion

I know it is still too early for these to be the result of anything other than all the hormones I have injected (and the extra iron pills I'm taking (3), and the caffeine I've given up(5)). But still, for my sanity, something is better than nothing.

Emotionally I am fluctuating wildly between high hopes and the certain conviction that this will not work. It's so much fun!

To add to the fun, I have managed to catch a dreadful cold. On the upside, the misery in my head is distracting me a little from the misery inside my head. I'm off to take some acetaminophen and a nap.

2dpiui

I wish I had posted over the weekend...that would have been a giddy, happy post. Instead I waited, and am now in the dreaded two week wait, so this is likely to be a neurotic, anxious post.

So, about the weekend, anyway: it was magical. That is the only word for it. Went out with friends to celebrate my birthday, had a snow day (extremely rare around these parts), and had the iui on my birthday. (Is that good? Is that bad? No, dumbass, it's completely irrelevant.)

Now the magic has worn off, and the anxiety has set in. I am googling the silliest things, as if google is an oracle and if I just ask the right question the right way I will find out how this cycle will end. It's way too early, but I just want to know NOW.

Only 2 days in. This is going to be a long 2 weeks. Or, at least, I hope it will. After all, the last time I did an injectables cycle I got my period after a mere 9 days.

crap

I just looked back through my charts. I don't remember ever spotting like this before, but I have. Twice. It's probably nothing. I'm still testing tomorrow, but I'm a lot less hopeful.

hoping against hope

Tuesday (8 dpo) I was so completely symptomless that I was convinced this cycle was a failure. I was sad and weepy.

Today (9 dpo) I have had spotting. I have never had spotting this early in a cycle in which I actually ovulated. When I first saw it I was so sure it was implantation spotting and that I was pregnant. I was giddy!

Now I have calmed down. I still don't have a single other indicator to suggest I am pregnant. What really bothers me is my boobs. These are not my usual post-ovulation boobs. They are very much my normal pre- or non-ovulatory boobs. Which makes me think maybe I am having breakthrough bleeding due to low progesterone. Oh why, oh why didn't I ask for a progesterone test this cycle? I am peeing on a stick tomorrow morning. 10 dpo.

better . . . maybe

Physically I am feeling much better. The abdominal pain is gone. The bloated, swollen feeling is gone. The breast tenderness is gone. Wait...that's not good! I want that one symptom to stick around, so I can continue to hope all this discomfort and expense might be worth it in the end.

I am only 5 dpo. And these things come and go. So no reason to panic yet, right? Right?

Today has been a gloriously lazy day. To tell the truth, I am still in bed. Well, back in bed, anyway. I have made two forays to the kitchen, and about as many to the bathroom. I am justifying this in two ways, which are (1) it is cold in my house and deliciously warm under the blankets in my bed, and (2) between the travel last weekend and the insanely busy week that just ended, this is the first chance I've had to be lazy in at least a little over a week. ;)

Sadly, I don't think my current activity level is going to help with the fact that although I no longer feel miserably bloated, those 4 lbs haven't budged. And my pants aren't getting any easier to button. Which I think might be a result of the fact that I spent the first few days following the trigger shot eating for 9 (the octuplets, you know).

The other downside of having an entire day to do nothing is that there is nothing to distract me from imagining endless scenarios for the outcome of this cycle, good and bad. I wish there was something I could do that would make a difference. Unfortunately, there is nothing to do but wait.