Saturday, February 07, 2009

27 weeks

Only ninety days to go... I can't believe it! In the beginning I never really imagined I would get this far. Now Iggy is kicking, punching, and hiccuping away, making her* presence known so often that even I have come to accept that there really is a baby in there.

As I enter the last week of the second trimester I would have to say that so far this has been a very easy pregnancy physically. In fact, I have been so free of physical symptoms and complaints that for a long while it was hard (even harder) to really believe this longed-for but unexpected pregnancy was true.

Medically it has been fairly uneventful as well. One early, small bleed that frightened me to death but posed no danger to Iggy and has not recurred. An ultrasound that showed a low-lying placenta, but it's not previa and my doctor is not concerned.

Emotionally, however, I have been all over the map. I thought all my worries would be about Iggy's very survival, but at some point I became remarkably calm about that. I still don't take it for granted, but I don't think I worry about it any more than I worry about Jack being killed in a car accident (which is to say that I know it is possible, and occasionally it crosses my mind, but I don't dwell on it).

What I am worrying myself sick over is money, childcare, and how we will all survive my unpaid leave without starving to death. (I exaggerate... a little.) I don't think I need to say anything about the economy, but it has definitely impacted Jack's income (in addition to his salary he makes commissions and sales-based bonuses which have virtually dried up). It has also hurt both of our parents, probably worse than it has hurt us, actually, so that while a year or two ago they would most likely have helped out a great deal with some of the initial expenses related to bringing a baby into the world, now they simply are not able. We will make it through my leave on our savings, but after that we will have no safety net, no reserve. It makes me nervous. And when I return to work I will make less money, both because I will be working slightly reduced hours for awhile and because the money for childcare will come out of my income. I should be (and am) grateful that we both still have jobs, but I hate feeling stretched. We have been doing everything we can to hold down expenses and try to build our savings up that little bit more each month, but it is difficult and I have trouble seeing how we will manage to survive on even less when we have added a third person to the family.

And childcare... I don't think I even want to delve into that at the moment. Suffice it to say that I have found an arrangement I am reasonably happy with (as happy as I can be with the thought of leaving her in the care of anyone other than Jack or myself) but they will not accept her until she is six months old. My leave is twelve weeks, so assuming I manage to work up until the day I go into labor she will only be three months old when it ends. What we will do for those next three months is still completely up in the air and I am quickly reaching the point where I can't think about it without panicking.

There's more (and happier things) to share, but Jack is walking in the door. I will try to post again soon.

* I never came by here to share the news . . . Iggy is a little girl! We could not be more thrilled. Jack wants everything to be pink (which quite frankly surprises me) and I found myself reining him in a bit in regards to over the top girly-frilly things that he wanted to put on the registry. I would have thought it would be the other way around.


Anonymous said...

Hooray! Yours was the first blog I came across a couple of years ago in my search to find answers to my own infertility - and I am just so, so happy for you and Jack!!!! There really are happy endings in this crazy world and that is what I hold onto!!!

Bless your lovely family!

Kat470 said...

Congrats on it being a girl. I've been following your story for a while, and it must be such a relief to have made it this far, and I'm sure you'll have a healthy baby girl in about 90 days. Very exciting. :-D