Saturday, November 08, 2008

14 weeks

Fourteen weeks today. Technically, I think we are out of the first trimester by now. Or maybe it's the end of this week? I can't seem to find a definitive answer to this question. But,the common wisdom seems to be that we are sailing out of the dangerous waters. Anything could still happen; unfortunately I am all too aware of that. But I think we have reached a point at which it verges on the ridiculous to not plan for a future that includes a baby. I don't mean buying out Babies r us, I mean trying to figure out how much to put aside in our 2009 flexible health spending account to cover a hospital stay for delivery, and planning for a maternity leave that will be mostly unpaid (except for whatever is left of my vacation and sick time, but that won't be much), and signing up for a prepared childbirth class. Things like that. I'm starting to feel negligent for not addressing them.

But I still fear that making plans is inviting fate to screw with those plans. Although these past 13 weeks have been largely uneventful, there have been those things that still make me nervous when I think of them. Like my progesterone level, which has been lower since I stopped the supplements. In the 18-21 range. My ob insists this is within the range of normal and nothing to worry about, but I worry. Stopping the metformin also makes me nervous. Although my blood sugar was normal when tested, so maybe that's just me looking for things to be nervous about. I also worry that Iggy doesn't move much during our ultrasounds. I had one at my last ob visit, just because my doctor knew I was worried and would feel better if I could take a look inside. There was absolutely nothing unusual that concerned the ultrasound tech, but Iggy only hiccuped twice, there was no dancing or waving, and the tech did a lot of probing to try to make Iggy move. I know logically that none of these things are big concerns to anyone else, but... I just worry.

I also can't seem to figure out how to tell people that I am pregnant. We have told our immediate families, our closest friends, the entire internet, and my boss, but we have sworn all these people to secrecy. The plan is to tell our extended family in person at Thanksgiving, and I am unbelievably excited about that. But I have no idea how to tell the people I work with. Or the administrative people above my immediate boss. I don't know why I am at such a loss. I just can't figure out what to say, or if certain people should be told in a certain order, politically, and what that order should be. Maybe I will just wait until I am so obviously huge that people start asking and then I will say, "Oh, yes, I am pregnant. Didn't I tell you?".

As far as symptoms and signs, I still don't have much. I was never sick, just hungry all the time which has either abated or just seems normal now. I have gained 5 pounds, and have trouble buttoning most of my pants, but the only place that actually looks larger to me is my breasts, which are a bit fuller but not incredibly obviously so. My main symptom has been exhaustion. It actually lifted for a couple of weeks, but it's back with a vengeance this week which I hope means that the placenta has really started cranking out the progesterone. We'll see at my next doctor visit.

2 comments:

Michelle said...

YAY for 14 weeks. It is so understandable to have all those fears. I often say that if/when I get pregnant again you will need to put me in a coma for the 9 months. I hope everything continues to be uneventful for you until the birth of your beautiful baby!

toddlerglasses said...

I'm so happy to read this update and I really relate to the fears you're writing about. It's so hard not to worry about everything when you've been through so much and so many disappointments. I hope you can start feeling a little more secure in the pregnancy, though I know that's easier said than done. I had the same problem with telling people, I ended up letting my husband do almost all the announcing, because I had so much trouble saying the words.

Keep us updated! And keep on gestating that babe of yours.