graduation day

Today was our last visit to Dr. Cautious. Next week I have an appointment with my gyn (now my ob!). The graduation is bittersweet. Who am I kidding? It's mostly bitter. I mean, yes, it's unbelievably wonderful that this pregnancy has continued for so long that our RE feels the need to kick us out. But... I trust these people. Our relationship has been brief, but intense. I feel safe in their care. AND! They give us weekly peeks inside to see how Iggy (we are trying this out as a nickname for the gender-unknown-embryo-soon-to-be-a-fetus-hopefully-to-be-a-baby-one-day) is growing and make sure everything is ok. I don't know how many scans my ob will hand out, but I know they will be much fewer and further between.

In our final meeting with Dr. Cautious, she told us over and over again that we were amazing, to have done this on our own. I corrected her... we are not amazing so much as we are amazed. Still. Probably always will be. When we said good-bye she hugged me tightly. I can't even imagine being hugged by my former RE. I know who we'll be going back to when (if?) it's time to try this again.

So, I'm getting a little more accustomed to this pregnancy thing. Which is not to say that it's not still terrifying. I had a scare earlier this week when I discovered a little bit of red and pink spotting. We went in right away for a scan, and Iggy was fine, heart beating, and dancing away. No sign of problems in the uterus. The nurse practitioner we saw could find no evidence of any more bleeding at my cervix and thought it could have been from irritation to the vaginal walls. Still, I have never been so frightened. But there's been no recurrence, and the official word from the medical professionals was not to worry.

There are other things I can worry about. Mostly my progesterone level. Even on supplementation it hasn't budged for two weeks in a row. It's just hanging out at 33. Or the fact that Iggy barely moved at today's scan, just waved at us once, although on Tuesday Iggy wouldn't be still long enough to take measurements.

But what can I do? So, while I worry, I am also starting to look ahead just a little. This week at the library I didn't just check out books on pregnancy. I also took one on baby names, and one on birth. Childbirth! It feels very surreal to have that book sitting on my coffee table.