Saturday, December 09, 2006

losing it

Hope, that is. Hope that I will be one of the lucky ones who wins a baby with just one round of clomid. I don't think I'm going to ovulate.

I know that theoretically it could still happen. Tomorrow, actually, is the last day in the 5-9 day range that ovulation typically occurs in following the last dose of clomid. So, it could happen tomorrow and not even be outside of a typical response. Or, I suppose, it could happen after that. But I just don't feel hopeful at all. I don't feel like my body is building toward anything. All the little twinges and mild bloating I felt earlier in the week have gone away entirely. My cervical mucus is not increasing or becoming more eggwhiteish. Other than that one jump of three tenths of a degree (F), my bbt has been flat and low.

Although, what do I know? It's not like I have a lot of experience with ovulation to compare this with.

And I know that even if I ovulate it does not mean I would automatically get pregnant, but you have to admit, it ups the odds. Plus, it would mean that I respond to 50mg of clomid. I am not looking forward to an increased dose. Ovulation, even sans pregnancy, would feel like a victory to me.

Today I just feel defeated. We are going to a Christmas party tonight, but I would really like to go back to bed and stay there.

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