time for a massive update

[quick update for those not interested in the long saga below: still not pregnant, now on 150 mg clomid, cd 20]

I don't know why I haven't posted in so long, honestly. It certainly is not from lack of things to talk about.

So, when last I wrote it was Feb. 26, cd 14 of my third clomid cycle, and the stakes had been upped to 100 mg days 2-6. I was peeing on opk sticks (although, not at work) and they were all negative.

On Feb. 28 I had a follow-up visit with Dr. RE. For the first time that day I broke down and peed on a stick at work. Negative. He looked at my chart, and suggested that since I just happened to be there mid-cycle we might as well have a look at my ovaries and see what they were up to. "A sonogram" said he, and here I am incredibly grateful to all of you IF bloggers because if it had not been for your detailed accounts I cannot imagine what I would have thought when I saw the probe. As it was, I was under tremendous stress about the fact that I would have to put my feet in the stirrups, and as this was an (unexpected) afternoon wanding, my feet had spent the entire day in my sexy, synthetic knee-high boots and I knew they would be smelly. I even contemplated leaving the boots on, but that seemed a bit provocative. At least I shaved my legs the night before. So there I lay, nak-d from the waist down, under a thin paper sheet, with smelly feet in the air, when I finally was inducted for all time into the hard core infertility club by the d1ldo-cam. "There's your uterus," said the sonographer, I can't remember her name, and then "let's take a look at your ovaries" followed by a long ominous silence and lots of very uncomfortable (almost painful, but not quite) internal poking and prodding. I was beginning to panic, on the edge of tears as she searched and searched. It seemed to take forever. All I could think was "I don't have any ovaries!!! No wonder I don't ovulate! Now it is all over, I will never get pregnant!" It probably seems like I was overreacting, but really it took forever. And I had already developed a theory that I might not have a right ovary since whenever I feel any potentially-ovarian twinges, they are always on the left. So it wasn't a huge jump for me to get from "I might only have one ovary" to "I HAVE NO OVARIES!". Finally she found one "on the midline" and one hiding behind my uterus. By this point Dr. RE had made his way into the room and proclaimed matter-of-factly that my ovaries were "not doing anything" and that this cycle was a bust. He wrote me a prescription for 150 mg of clomid and told me a nurse would come and give me a progesterone shot to bring on my period. "Is there any point in waiting to see if I might have a delayed ovulation this cycle?" I asked meekly, to which he responded "I am tired of waiting. I want you to get pregnant NOW." He actually said this kindly, though it wasn't the sort of response I was looking for, but I was so stunned by my (temporary) lack of ovaries, and so worried about the fact that they were not where they belonged, that I was in no state to belabor the point. The sonographer barely had time to withdraw the probe, when in came the nurse. "Don't bother putting your pants on" she said, "just hop over here and lean against the table." Now I did not even have the cover of the paper sheet. I was nak-d from the waist down, with bare, smelly feet, misplaced ovaries, and as I leaned across the examining table for my pio shot I had the presence of mind to worry about all the cellulite on display. The nurse was very sweet, told me she had a painless method*, and actually the shot did not hurt at all, and only burned a tiny bit when it was done.

The morning after the injection my temp shot up. I was a bit of a wreck, emotionally. Although I tried to be happy that I wouldn't have to wait another 3 weeks to start a new cycle, I felt like I would have ovulated eventually, and not having those days of hope (between ovulation and period) but just going straight to a new cycle was hard. I understood logically that it made sense. We spent most of my appointment (before the sonogram) talking about the fact that while delayed ovulations could end up as successful pregnancies, for some reason they are statistically less likely to. This was why my clomid dose was upped from 50 to 100 in the first place, to try to bring on an earlier ovulation. But knowing that logically did not make me feel any better. Also, I was worried about my runaway ovaries. I did ask the sonographer if it meant anything that they were not where they belonged and she assured me that it did not. Still, I can't believe it was a good thing. Don't, by the way, google anything about ovaries on the mainline or behind the uterus because you get a lot of stuff about ovarian cancer and menopause. Not good for morale.

Six days after the injection I got my period. It was heavy, but not painful (which was a relief because in the past I have been given oral progesterone by my ob/gyn to bring on a period and I had the most horrible cramps so that I had to call and beg for prescription painkillers). So, March 6 was cd 1. Same as before I took clomid days 2-6, but 150 mg this time. I actually gave up my silly refusal to use opks at work and discovered it was not that big of a deal. Not fun, or anything, and the worst part was waiting until it had been 4 hours since I last peed, but it was no problem sneaking off for a five minute bathroom break. I did invest in the digital kind (thanks for the recommendation, Thalia), because with these you get a definitive no (an empty circle) or yes (a smiley face) and there is no temptation to linger in the stall for half an hour holding a stick at different angles to see if the darkness of the result line changes at all. I think that made them easier to use at work. I was beginning to despair of ever getting a positive, though. I really did wonder how long I could wait to ovulate and still not have a late ovulation. Everyday I prayed in the bathroom stall, please, please, let it be today. Finally, on cd 15, it was. I was so ridiculously excited. I was jumping up and down in the tiny little stall, clutching the smiley face and grinning like a maniac. I had only ovulated three times in my life (so far as I know), twice on clomid, and I had never seen a positive opk before (and of course I have never seen a positive hpt). This is the first thing I have ever peed on which gave me the hoped for response. I tried to save it for Al to see, but the smile had gone away before I got home. Anyway, I was so excited that I didn't even mind calling the RE's office immediately to schedule a post coital test.

This is getting ridiculously long. I am going to go ahead and post it and do another for the rest of the story.

* For any of you who may be interested, her technique was as follows:
1. apply alcohol but give it plenty of time to dry so it doesn't sting when the needle pierces the skin
2. she had me lean on the table and my right leg so that I was putting absolutely no weight at all on the left leg where she gave me the injection (upper left ass/hip area)
3. after the injection she put on a band-aid and then massaged the injection site so the pio would disperse