Last cycle I agonized over each dose of clomid I swallowed. I knew exactly which pill I was taking, how many were left, and whether I was more than 10 minutes off the time I decided I would take the pills each day (no idea whether this makes any difference but I was convinced I had to take them at exactly the same time each day). I was constantly vigilant about side-effects. I became hyper-aware of my body, and recorded each twinge. At this point last cycle (day 7) I had already experienced intense nausea and excruciating headaches.
This time around I'm completely blasé about the whole thing. I was shocked to discover yesterday that I was swallowing the fifth and final pill this go-round. I took each pill in the evening, but as to the exact time, who knows? And side-effects so far? Not a one. From a mental (and even physical) health standpoint, this is an improvement, yes? But I can't help fearing that feeling nothing means nothing is happening, or nothing is going to happen. My head is not in the clomid game this time around. And if I'm not paying attention, then why would my body possibly jump in and do it for me?
And how did I get here so quickly?