Tuesday, August 09, 2005

vacation revelations

Well, I am home again. Al had a business trip last week so I decided to take full advantage of my last few weeks before my new job starts and visit my cousin who has a condo on the beach. It was heavenly. Why is it that the beach is the only place where exercise (a long walk, a swim, a bike ride) feels like a gift instead of a punishment? Is it possible that's only me? Anyway . . . we walked, we talked, we swam, we napped in the sand. We ate healthy grilled seafood and ridiculously dangerous amounts of ice cream. We watched our favorite old sitcoms on cable (Al and I don't have cable, or satellite, or any form of pay TV). I also had a lot of time to think. Staring at the infinite ocean, with nothing more stressful on the day's agenda than shaving, anything seems possible. I started to believe two things: (1) having a baby is what I want, more than anything else at this point in my life, and just because I haven't managed to get pregnant naturally does not mean that I can not or should not ever get pregnant; and (2) I really need to look for a different job, a job where I can make more money so that Al and I can save more money so we will be better prepared for the expenses of raising our baby. Because I really want to be able to stay home and be a full time mother. At least until hypothetical baby is off to school, or until I realize that I need adult company and will go insane if I don't get a job. Whatever comes first.

So I came home with a plan: (A) daily vitamins for at least 3 months, (B) daily walks of at least 2 miles, (C) greatly increased daily intake of vegetables and greatly decreased intake of my favorite food SUGAR. I figure at this rate I will be ready physically for pregnancy, and therefore ready for clomid, by February, but possibly as soon as December. (Because finally, in my heart, I am completely, unequivocally, ready NOW!)

As for the job, I have resolved to work on my resume and shop it around, and I am also committed to working my way through the book "What Color is Your Parachute" for inspiration and to keep myself accountable to a job search I am still not eager to undertake.

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