Friday, May 30, 2008

a lot of things that suck right now, and three that don't

We did another iui. It didn't work. We have used up all the money we set aside in our flexible health spending account for 2008. RE suggests ivf. My car died. Really, really dead. Hmmm..replace car or do ivf? About the same, financially. And we can't really afford either. Unfortunately, I need a car to get to work.

What else? I broke my leg. Jack's car needs expensive repairs. We had to replace a crucial and expensive appliance. We now only spend money on gas or groceries. Need I mention the price of gas and groceries?

Oh, wait. We also spend money on baby shower gifts. I have been to three baby showers this month.

We have an appointment with a new RE. I am looking forward to hearing a new perspective on our inability to reproduce. But I don't know that we'll be able to pay for any treatments in the near future.

Jack tentatively mentioned to his parents that we are looking at ivf. Hoping, of course, that they might offer a little assistance. Instead, I got a 10 minute soliloquy from well-meaning but crazy-making mother-in-law on the futility of throwing away a fortune on fertility treatments when the only way to get pregnant is to stop trying.

I feel crushed and helpless.

Surely there are some good things in my life? I love my husband. I love Craig Ferguson. I love M&Ms. Watching Craig Ferguson with Jack while eating M&Ms makes my life worth living at the moment. The other 23 hours a day don't even bear thinking about.

4 comments:

swissmiss said...

Boy you got a bucket of crap dumped in your lap, I'm so sorry. How's your leg, are you in a cast, how long will it take to heal? Ugh. Sorry everything looks so grim right now, I have nothing productive to say but sorry. :-(

Rebecca said...

I'm sorry that you're working through so much shit right now...that sucks! As for the MIL comments, try to get past them...she doesn't get it and may never get it. Just take her for what she is and try not to expect any more...you'll never get it. There...you like that little ray of sunshine? Yeah...I'm always good for that! How'd you break your leg? Please feel better soon...keep eating M & Ms...they do make everything better...I totally agree with you!

theviewfromthisplace said...

I have lost two babies at 22 weeks and 23 weeks gestation. I don't suffer from infertility, apparently i suffer from terribly bad luck instead. My in-laws say to get over it, I say f**k them. (Sorry) They have their 3 living children that they can visit or call. I have two urns. What do they know?
I tell you the same.
This is your dream and you have every right to want it, relish it and go after it. I really do wish you had their support, i have a friend that has gone through ivf 2x (one failed, one early m/c) and she is gearing for one more hellish cycle. Her mom thinks she's crazy. I think it's admirable and I offer her all my support. Seek out those that DO support you and don't let them go. As ever, this community is ALWAYS here. I am gearing to try again in a few months, and luckily I have support from my mom and select (key word) individuals. I hang tight to them.
Good luck my dear, all the best.
HUGS.

Anonymous said...

I hope things are perhaps going a little better these days?
MILs are supposed to be nasty unthoughtful people or didn't you know? At least in my experience they are.
Take Care
DinoD