Thursday, October 18, 2007

cd 1

Because sometimes life just sucks like that.

I woke up this morning and it was massively obvious that I wasn't pregnant. P'edOAS anyway: negative of course.

I cried. I cried so much that even though I finished and put on makeup before I left the house, everyone at work immediately demanded to know "What's wrong?!?" and treated me gingerly all day, even though I only told them that I was fine.

The doctor's office finally opened. I left a message for the nurse. She called me back. She was sympathetic. She sounded sad. Apparently, even though I only had a nine day luteal phase according to my calculations, my cycle was within the realm of acceptability and no cause for alarm (just overwhelming disappointment). No chance of cycling back to back, I must take a cycle off, so an open cartridge of f.stim will die in my refrigerator. Disappointment stung a little more.

The day went on. I became increasingly okay, and relieved that I will not be jumping in again immediately. Plans were made for a nice dinner in one of our favorite restaurants, with a huge martini or two on the menu for me.

And what makes it even more okay (what's even better than a liquid dinner), is knowing all of you out there. And my friend in real life (who theoretically doesn't know about this blog, but if she stumbled across it she would recognize me immediately, no matter how much I obfuscate) who has been so incredibly supportive, and my sister, and all the love I am feeling.

RE appointment next week, for the postmortem and the future planning.

4 comments:

~Carrie said...

I am so.. so damn sorry.
I wish I had a more insightful comment, but sometimes, life can just really suck.

swissmiss said...

I'm so sorry.

Fertilize Me said...

I like carrie wish there was more to say ....... BFN's and AF blow!

LJ said...

I am sorry - there are just no words to say, except, I know.