Here are the highlights of the unwritten blog posts floating around in my head for the last month or so . . .
Christmas - I was as sick and miserable as I have ever been. Strep throat pain began the morning of Christmas eve. 103 degree fever. My throat hurt so badly I wanted to rip it out. Friends and relatives shunned me for fear of being contaminated. Fun times.
New Year's Eve - Relieved to no longer be in horrible pain. Did nothing special for the actual big moment, but did have a fun weekend and managed to take in a couple of movies ("The Family Stone" and "King Kong" - very different, both enjoyable, both made me cry).
Somewhere in there I had a birthday - Tried not to be too depressed about the fact that I am another year older with not much to show for it.
Weekend before last - Depression settled in. Felt extremely hopeless about prospect of ever having a baby. Laid into Al for his lack of contributions (other than sperm which continue to make their brave attempts yet perish one and all) to the cause. Cried and cried and cried. We made a plan to finally choose an RE and make an appointment, and I also announced my intentions to see my GP about antidepressants.
Intervening week - Depression lifted a bit as I felt that we were actually moving forward a bit with a plan. I decided to wait and talk to RE about antidepressants rather than GP. Al began to read up on the semi-local options for an RE. They are (1) Big Medical School associated practice, (2)private practice headed by former head of Big Medical School associated practice, (3) private practice headed by two touchy feely types who both suffered from IF themselves, (4) private practice headed by crazy guy who thinks all births should be via cesarean section. I am an incredibly indecisive person. I had accumulated much information and done much agonizing but only managed to rule out #4. Al in a space of two days settled on #2. I told him I needed a bit more time to agonize before we make an appointment. It is difficult (I suppose it's never easy) because most of the information about these practices is about their approach to and success with IVF. Which we hopefully will not need and which certainly will not be our starting point. Ahh, indecision.
Last weekend - Uneventful. Still feeling good about the fact that we are moving forward. Practically euphoric about the fact that Al has initiated conversation about the Great Babymaking Project several times.
This morning - All hopeful good feelings have evaporated as the result of one little phone call. I was in the parking lot at work, running a few minutes late. I was talking to my sister. My younger sister. My baby sister. She is pregnant. I felt so sick I truly thought I would vomit right there in the parking lot. I had to find a sub and come back home. Which is where I am now.